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    		•

    FILMS

    The Ring (2002)
  • Starring Naomi Watts, Martin Henderson, David Dorfman, Brian Cox, Jane Alexander, Lindsay Frost, Amber Tamblyn, Rachael Bella, Daveigh Chase, Shannon Cochran

  • Directed by Gore Verbinski

  • Adaptation of the Japanese film Ringu

    • Many find the thrill of horror movies entertaining. They sit next to a loved one and clench and claw at said loved-one's arm as they're terrified by what they see onscreen. They enjoy the rush of adrenaline as their muscles tense and their pants fill.

    I am not one of these people. I don't enjoy scary movies because, well, they're scary. (Duh!) I don't enjoy being scared. It's a feeling that is, by definitition, unenjoyable. Having fear roll up in my stomach and climb into my throat is not my idea of a good time. I'm probably in the minority here, but I can live with that.

    It's not that I won't watch scary films, but I don't seek them out. My reasoning: I'm afflicted. Yes, I am a man afflicted with bad nightmares. They're not as awful as they used to be, but they're still there—a couple nights a week. They're there when I close my eyes: Horrible visions that freak my shit in the middle of the night. Part of me is afraid that watching scary movies will only fuel my already-semi-psychotic subconsious.

    Having said that: The Ring is a scary movie. I'll make no bones about it: I'm not a brave man. I think we've already made this much clear. My friend Mike told me that watching this film would be a "two-roll film." Meaning, of course, that you'll shit your pants while watching it. I probably would've gone through both rolls (and then some!) if I hadn't closed my eyes during a few of the parts where I was afraid. I'm not proud to announce this, but it's true. Twice during this film I closed my eyes because I was afraid of what I'd see. After the first scene which scared the crap out of me, I wasn't trusting the rest of the film to be gentle. Yes, I hate being scared just that much.

    The Ring is about a video tape that will kill you a week after you watch it. Not to be confused with Feardotcom which was about a website which would kill you in 24 hours. Any way you slice the cake, it appears that our technology wants to get us. What's next? PalmPilot? The PDA which kills you in your sleep?

    Upon first viewing I thought this film was scary. By this I mean that things jump out at you, the tenseness is raw and real, and the soundtrack is loud. Short of hooking up jumper cables and a car battery to your chair, they've done everything to evoke a reaction out of you.

    I left the theater horrified. And not in a good way. I didn't like the way I felt when I walked out. I was unsettled....

    ...Until I started actually thinking about the logic and the world of The Ring—slowly realizing that nothing in the film is explained and none of it makes any sense. Scary things are infinitely less scary if, after close scrutiny, they show their seams and their silliness.

    Warning: Spoilers follow.

    Where did the little girl come from? How does she kill her victims? Does she scare them to death? It kind of looks like she drowns them...but it's never made clear. Why was she hurting her mother? How did the tape come into existence? What are the rules of the tape? Why were the horses dying? Why did the mother kill her daughter? How is it that the girl who gets sent into insane an asylum knows that Naomi Watts' character only has four days to live? What's the significance of warped and distorted photographs? Why does this happen? If I was Naomi Watts, I'd be more freaked out by my own creepy son who has conversations with the dead chick, and then I'd be pissed at him for neglecting to tell me not to let the chick out of the well. Also, why isn't Watts more freaked after pulling a fly OUT of the television? That was a great moment which quickly became lost and forgotten in the shuffle and rush to get to the next audience-scaring moment.

    The fact of the matter is that there's a wonderful story in here. Actually, there are a few wonderful stories here but none of them are ever fully explained. A real shame, too. I might've stayed scared if I understood the motivation of the little girl, and the rules by which she scared people. The lack of logic—even gossamer-thin horror-movie logic would've been acceptable—ultimately made the film fall apart.