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Review Archive
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    		•

    FILMS

    Blade II (2002)
  • Starring Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristofferson, Norman Reedus, Leonor Varela, Ron Perlman, Luke Goss

  • Directed by Guillermo del Toro

    • If Sam Jackson's character in Pulp Fiction has a wallet that says "Bad Muthafucka" on it, then in Blade Wesley Snipe's wallet reads, "That's yo ass."

    And that about sums up this movie: Blade kicks so much ass that, on my way out of the theater, all I could do was smile as I reveled in the amount of ass he kicked and the piles of ass he left behind. Bam, kapow, ki-ya! Get 'em Blade, we got your back!

    I will admit that, initially, I had many concerns about a sequel to Blade. Even more when I heard that they were bringing back Kris Kristofferson. Not that I have a thing against Kristofferson, but rather, it seemed to me that they had pretty much finished off his character in the first flick. I didn't think that there was too much one could do for a character who popped a cap through his own noggin. Well, other than digging a pit, tossing him in, and filling it with dirt, I suppose. Happily, I was wrong.

    This time around our hero, the daywalker Blade (Snipes), is forced to team up with his enemies the vampires in order to take out some sort of uber-vampire—the equivalent of a bloodsucker on crack, who can infect his victims like it's nobody's business. That's bad for Blade, and regular vampires, and the world at large. It is, however, good for us, because it sets up a story that will be jam-packed with glorious ass-kicking action sequences. (All of which deliver on their ass-kicking quota.)

    Much to my surprise the story has a few nice twists and turns that are neither obvious nor manipulative. A solid story based on a good idea, combined with wonderful choreography and special effects, and you've got yourself a movie that is imminently rewatchable.

    (Fair spoiler warning: Stop reading if you don't want to know anything else about the movie, aside from it kicking much ass. But that much should be obvious by now.)

    Blade, as a character, is kind of like lite beer. He has all the flavor of a vampire with none of the weaknesses. (Bad analogy, I know. But that's all I can come up with at the moment.) But he does have his human weaknesses, those of emotion and relationships and desire for revenge. He's a tormented character, but rarely does that preclude him from busting some bozo's heads.

    I must say that the uber-vampire special effects are the first horror effects that I've seen in a long time that, honestly, gave me the heebie-jeebies. The chin splitting down the middle and that Alien-like tongue ... ugh. I'm creeped out just thinking about it. Ann Rice vampires delicately nibble your neck and don't spill a drop of blood. That's cool and all for angsty-gothic types, but the beasties in Blade II are real monsters. The uber-vampires open wide and make your entire neck one long sit-down buffet. Split, gurgle ... chomp!

    Blade II is one of the better action movies that has come out in recent years. I think that the story plays a large part in this. Everything in this film is a function of the story. Special effects or moments between characters are all necessary. They're not there just because something thought it'd "look real cool" or because "we have the budget to do it."

    My all-time favorite scene in the film is when Blade, reacting to a racist comment, bitch-slaps Ron Perlman's character twice and then attaches an explosive device to the back of Perlman's head. (I am of the opinion that the world would be a much better place if we could attach grenades to the heads of every bigot, everywhere. Who's with me?) I was in a vociferous theater and we all cheered. Show 'em who's boss, Blade! You da man!

    If you like action movies with a bit of wit and cleverness (and, of course, ass-kicking) then you'd be doing yourself a favor by seeing Blade II. However, if you don't like action movies at all, chances are this may not be your cup of tea. Then again, this may be the type of film that can make the hurdle over the genre fanbase into the mainstream. From my understanding it did fairly well in the box office.

    I will own this one when it comes out on DVD. Oh yes, I will.