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    		•

    FILMS

    Legally Blonde (2001)
  • Starring Reese Witherspoon and Luke Wilson

  • Directed by Robert Luketic

    • I'm not going to bother spending a lot of time writing up a full-length review of this movie because it was bad. And not even bad in such a way that makes it fun to rip it apart. The more that I think about it, perhaps "bad" isn't the right word to describe this movie. There are films out there that I hate and I can spend hours picking apart because I hate them so much—and in the end I get a little bit of joy from ravaging said movie. Legally Blonde isn't so much bad as it is empty.

    Blonde joins the exceedingly large group of fish-out-of-water stories that Hollywood seems to revel in churning out every year. Let's face it, people are stupid and don't mind watching stupid, empty things. Apparently I'm part of this group because I rented this it. What a sucker I am.

    Elle Wood (Witherspoon) is a fashion-conscious material girl attending college, and is supposed to be the epitome of blonde girls—dim and oblivious to things going on around her. Her mannerisms are supposed to be cute and endearing, but they're not. And she has a dog—a look-alike for the Taco Bell Chihuahua. This oversized rat is also supposed to be cute and endearing when dressed in his little shirts and hats, but he's not. Frankly, you feel more like kicking him just to watch Elle cry.

    She's dating a guy who is leaving for Harvard and who brutally tells her that if he's going to be a congressman one day, she's not the type of woman he can have around. He leaves for Harvard's law school. Wood decides that she's going to change, and that she's going to follow him to Harvard and be the type of girl he wants her to be. She gets into Harvard on her own merits (with the help of wearing slightly revealing clothes in her admissions video), which pretty much blows the concept of the movie. She kicked ass on the LSATs. She had fantastic grades. She's smart. In fact, she's very smart. But the movie's premise is based around the fact that she's not supposed to be smart. And through all of this, I'm getting dumber by the second.

    A bunch of unimportant things happen. She realizes that her old boyfriend was a jerk and now she's just at Harvard having a good time, helping a professor work on a murder case, which (fair spoiler warning: I'm about to give away the "surprise" ending) she wins because she knows the rules and regulations of how long it takes for a perm to set. I'm not lying. That little fact blows the case wide open and clears the defendant (who happens to be a sorority sister) in under 30 seconds.

    The fact of the matter is, this movie has been done before—and done much better with Alicia Silverstone in Clueless. If you're looking for a movie that's actually funny, go rent that one. (Really, it surprised the hell out of me. I thought that it'd be lame.)

    Legally Blonde is extremely exciting if, and only if, you're looking for a movie where Reese Witherspoon wears over 30 different outfits, all incorporating the color pink.

    It's a shame, too. Witherspoon is talented and this movie is a big waste of time for everyone involved, especially the audience. For good Witherspoonian viewing, check out Election or Cruel Intentions or Pleasantville. While they're not Oscar-winning performances, they're light-years beyond this empty mess.