News
Books
Writing
Hobbies
Gallery
Links
Email Brian
Email Kerri

Unless otherwise noted,
all material on Heromaker.net
is written by Brian Murphy
© 2006.

Review Archive
  • A.I.

  • America's Sweethearts

  • American Pie 2

  • Atlantis: The Lost Empire

  • Beautiful Mind, A

  • Billy Elliot

  • Blade II

  • Blade: Trinity

  • Boondock Saints, The

  • Bourne Identity, The

  • Brazil

  • Bridge Too Far, A

  • Brotherhood of the Wolf

  • Bubble Boy

  • CQ

  • Casino

  • Cast Away

  • Cool Hand Luke

  • Count of Monte Cristo, The

  • Daredevil

  • Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo

  • Die Another Day

  • Dish, The

  • Dog Soldiers

  • Don't Say a Word

  • Donnie Darko

  • Election

  • Fearless

  • Finding Forrester

  • Flatliners

  • Frighteners, The

  • Full Frontal

  • Gangs of New York

  • Garuda

  • Godfather Trilogy, The

  • Gosford Park

  • Hard Target

  • Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone

  • Heist

  • How the Grinch Stole Christmas

  • How to Marry a Millionaire

  • Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

  • Insider, The

  • Jurassic Park III

  • Kill Bill: Vol. 1

  • Ladyhawke

  • Last Castle, The

  • Legally Blonde

  • Legend of the Seven Golden Vampires, The

  • Life as a House

  • Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring, The

  • Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers, The

  • Lost Highway

  • Made

  • Magnificent Seven, The

  • Manhunter

  • Memento

  • Minority Report

  • Miss Congeniality

  • Moulin Rouge!

  • No Retreat, No Surrender

  • Not Another Teen Movie

  • O Brother, Where Art Thou?

  • Ocean's Eleven

  • Ong Bak: Muay Thai Warrior

  • Others, The

  • Pollack

  • Punisher, The

  • Queen of the Damned

  • Rat Race

  • Recruit, The

  • Reservoir Dogs

  • Ring, The

  • Royal Tenenbaums, The

  • Score, The

  • Seven Year Itch, The

  • Shadow of the Vampire

  • Signs

  • Six Degrees of Separation

  • Some Like It Hot

  • Species

  • Spider-Man

  • Spy Game

  • Star Wars: Episode II—Attack of the Clones

  • Stepford Wives, The

  • Swordfish

  • Training Day

  • Transformers: The Movie

  • Transporter, The

  • Tron

  • Troy

  • Truman Show, The

  • Unbreakable

  • Verdict, The

  • Windtalkers

  • Wonderboys

  • X-Files: Fight the Future, The

  • X-Men

    		•

    FILMS

    Don't Say a Word (2001)
  • Starring Michael Douglas, Sean Bean, Brittany Murphy, Guy Torry, Jennifer Esposito, Famke Janssen, Oliver Platt

  • Directed by Gary Fleder

    • I sincerely believe that creative people (and I'm using this term very, very loosely) who are in charge of advertising for films should be punished for falsely representing their movies. Cut off a finger or toe every time they knowingly lie to us. Or perhaps when they really botch the job, we give them a full-frontal lobotomy.

    It sounds harsh, but I'm getting really tired of going to see a movie and finding out that the main crux of the film, as portrayed in the advertisements, is either nonexistent or inconsequential to the actual film.

    Hang them. Shoot them. Do something violent and horrible—if only to motivate the rest of the rabble to do good work.

    From the advertisements we are led to believe that his movie is about some bad guys kidnapping a psychiatrist's daughter in order to urge him to get a number out of his patient's head. The advertising would have us believe that the movie revolves around finding out what the number is. I distinctly recall the trailer where Michael Douglas is on his cellphone, yelling, "What is it? What's the number? Is it a locker number? A safety deposit box number?" (Or something to that affect.)

    The trailer implies that the number is hiding something that's important. Which begs the thought: what could be so important for these guys to go to such extremes? What's the Big Secret in this film that this number is hiding? What's the number for?

    The Big Secret is given away in the first five minutes of the film. The very first scene in Don't Say A Word shows the audience exactly what the number is hiding. It's just jewelry. And thus, the great mystery hyped in the trailer is solved. The number itself, obviously, is not all that important. It's "what's in the box?" But we already know "what's in the box." Unfortunately, this movie revolves around getting the number. That's disappointing. There's no mystery in finding out the number if we already know what the reward will be. It's kind of like following a treasure map; half of the excitement is discovering what will be buried in the sand when you finally arrive where X marks the spot.

    It would've been better if the movie revolved around getting a number from the patient, but that number was guarding something of uncertain value. And, to be honest, I think it would also have been better if the "treasure," so to speak, was something other than just an expensive stone.

    But now I'm venturing into a dangerous country. I'm reviewing the movie that wasn't made instead of the one that was made. I hate people who do that. They should be hung right next to the advertisers. So, in order to keep myself from killing myself, I'll refrain and just review what the Don't Say A Word is, not what it isn't.

    I explained the main plot of the story above. Aside from my nit-picking about the number, the trailer gets the main plot mostly correct. But there's a side plot, too. One which, even after seeing the film, I'm not really sure if it was important, other than to offer Douglas' character a way to live at the end of the film. This B-plot revolves around a hard-nose (and cute!) NY cop (Esposito) who is working a few murders. Her character manages to fall into every cliche-ditch known to man. It's really quite a sight.

    Other highlights of Don't Say A Word: Oliver Platt plays a doctor as well as the worst liar in the history of man; Famke Janssen kicks ass even with a broken leg; the kid in the film doesn't, for the most part, ruin the movie—though at times she borders that precocious kid territory that almost had me hoping the bad guys would give up on the gem and toss the little rugrat out the window; Michael Douglas turns in his usual good performance, even if the script lacked any real excitement; Sean Bean, as always, is a good badguy; and Brittany Murphy looks amazingly like a cross between Calista Flockhart from Ally McBeal and Angelina Jolie from Girl, Interrupted, to a somewhat appealing, if scruffy and raggedy, effect. (Can you believe that this is the same actress who played the New Jersey chick from Clueless? My wife told me this three times before the movie, but it wasn't until halfway through Don't Say A Word when I realized what she meant and said, "Oh, hey! That's the girl from Clueless! As a side note: My wife has infinite patience with me. Upon her death, she'll surely be canonized.)

    Grade-wise, Don't Say A Word is C+. It ain't horrible, but there's nothing terribly worthwhile about watching it. It's neither offensive nor exciting. It's just blah.

    If you want to know what I mean, you'll just have to watch the film, because from here on out ...

    [sings] ...I'll never tell.